It has been some time since I have written an entry to this blog, something that I hope I will be rectifying in the coming weeks.
“Aside from pastor friends and others who question whether I’ve lost my salvation…there is (or was, at first) a little bit of personal concern I had in my journey away from the beaten paths of institutional Christianity.
“I sort of have this contradiction going on inside me where I desire to explore and blaze trails and do new things–question the status quo–but at the same time, life has conditioned me to ‘go along to get along.’ So even while trying to be a reformer of sorts, I’ve still tended to walk well inside the lines–to ‘play ball’ to gain favor with the powers that be. … So while searching for the truth inside all the mess, inside I’ve had this internal wrestling match going on as well, and seasons of second guessing …
“So, yeah–at times, I’ve questioned my own heart. Am I just being rebellious? Am I truly backsliding just because my walk of faith doesn’t look like that of the ‘churched’ anymore? Am I losing more than just my religion?”